James 1:19-20 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
“What do you mean,’ you didn’t brush your teeth’?” “How did you forget your lunch box, again?” “Every morning it’s the same thing, no one should have to keep reminding you to do these little things…” and on, and on, and on I went – berating and criticizing my 11 year old son out of frustration, selfishness and laziness. I mean after all, his forgetfulness meant “I” would have to drive him all the way to school instead of just to the bus stop, which would mean “I” would have to actually get dressed and then “I” couldn’t hurry up and crawl back into bed because “I’m” cramping!!!
I can’t even fathom how it would sound trying to explain that to him, and so I may as well have said, “you idiot”, “I wish you were never born, you are always causing me trouble”, or “why can’t you do anything right?” Those are words I would never bring myself to say to anyone, especially not a child; but I project that tone daily when I vent my frustration over the smallest of things – how selfish can a mother be? I am appalled at my own lack of love and grace for my own child. How then can I even think of going to God and asking him for grace when I forget the things that he has given me to do? Thank goodness, he freely gives me grace not because we deserve it, but because he truly loves us – wow!
For a few years now, I have felt this nagging stirring in my spirit when there has been strife in my home. I am troubled by the constant bickering, the taunting jokes and games that stir up bitterness and yet, I felt powerless to change it. I’ve desired to have my family speak uplifting, loving, joyful words to one another all the time and yet in an instant I respond in some quick, angry, or bitter remark that destroys all hope of a peaceful outcome. I forget James 1:19-20, and I get angry really quickly. The problem is that I give myself the authority to do it, “I’m not yelling, I’m correcting and instructing”… or I might say “I’m yelling because you act as if you don’t hear me when I speak normally”. Those are lies! Deceived in my own heart, I think I have just helped my children; instead I am throwing an adult tantrum in order to get my way and causing them bitterness along the way. This clearly ‘does not bring about the righteous life that God desires’.
Jesus never yelled or said mean spirited things to anyone – he was always steady, calm, and even-tempered when dealing with others, even when they “deserved” to be rebuked; he spoke in love!
In Matthew 16, Jesus is telling the disciples about his impending death and resurrection and Peter, out of fear, selfishness and maybe even pride begins to rebuke Jesus for such talk. Jesus speaks firmly to him, “Get behind me Satan!…” He continues by explaining that Peter’s reaction at the time was not in keeping with God’s will and plan and thus must be rebuked. I don’t believe he was calling Peter “Satan,” but speaking to Satan, who was manifesting himself through Peter at the time in order to illicit fear and doubt in Jesus and the other disciples.
I can imagine the disciples, especially Peter feeling humbled by the way they had behaved, but never did they feel “dumb” because of a foolish, hurtful response from Jesus. Instead, they were built up in their faith and understanding because of the loving way he helped them to make God-sense out of their actions/reactions. Jesus exemplified Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
You see, sometimes, Satan does manifest himself in us, at least he tries to. As Christians, Disciples, we must always have the word of God on our hearts so that we can thwart Satan’s schemes and rebuke him from our own minds. We need to learn to say “Get behind me Satan!” to the evil that tries to surface and remind ourselves of the mission of Christ and our pledge to deny ourselves to follow Him.
Thank you, God, for giving me this revelation and for continuing to give me grace in the midst of my sinful actions. Forgive me for my lack of patience, my bitterness, laziness and my pride. Please help me to remember to be mindful of my words, my thoughts and actions and to ensure they exhibit your righteousness, not my selfishness. Thank you for your love, correction and rebuke; grant me a willing spirit to trust and obey your words. In Jesus name, Amen.
After I found my son’s lunch box in the fridge, I put on my clothes and took it to his school – I packed his toothbrush and toothpaste inside, along with a loving note cut into the shape of a heart.
When he comes home, I will apologize, again, explain what I learned, and ask him, and the rest of my family for their forgiveness and accountability to obeying James 1:19-20 “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Consider your responses to your spouse, kids, friends, coworkers or even strangers – do you take the liberty to “express” yourself however you please according to your own desires? If so, I challenge you to consider them before yourself and to find words that will not only correct the situation, but will build them up in the end. You will find that your days can be more joy-filled, when you take the time to speak life-giving instructions/corrections to those around you, instead of leaving casualties in the wake of your ranting.
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