How I Got what ‘I’ Wanted

Psalm 37:3-4

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

“Mrs. Runyon, your test came back positive!”…”Positive?…Does that mean positive I am,  or positive I’m not? “…

I was in shock,  at just 24 years old and one year into a failng marriage, the last thing I expected to hear was “you’re pregnant. ” Yet,  that’s exactly what I was being told.  My heart stopped,  my mind raced and in that moment all I could think is “this isn’t what I wanted! ” I had other plans.

In Psalm 37:3-4 we are told to trust in the Lord…Delight in Him and He will give us the desires of our heart. My eventual reaction to the news of my pregnancy was evidence of that.  Before I dwelled in the thought of carrying a child,  before I took delight in being a mother,  I had no desire to do so.  I had other plans and some weren’t very good (like divorcing my husband because of selfish reasons). But once I began to seek out what it meant to be pregnant,  what it would require of me, what I could possibly do to affect the life inside me,  I began to delight in it and feel peace and soon, it became my deepest desire to have a godly marriage,  a healthy child and to be a good mother.

This isn’t a “how to get what you want from God” lesson,  It’s how to align yourself with what God wants for you and by trusting in His goodness you will receive fulfillment, joy and peace as you live it out.

What are the desires of your heart that God wants to give you?  Trust in Him, meditate on where He has you right now and delight in learning what He has in mind for you!

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The Pain of Growth

As I reflect on 2014, I immediately tend to think of all the pain that this year has brought to me. Not physical pain, nor even any real tangible grief (I didn’t lose any family members or close friends to death, thank God) as I have suffered in years past. Honestly, if I take a true assessment of this year I would say it has been a year of great blessings and lifelong dreams come true-again, THANK GOD!
Yet, there have been some highly emotionally devastating instances that have occurred which have shaken me to the core–and in them, there was great pain.
As a mom of a ‘psuedo-adult’, an 18yr old – I finally experienced some of the moments that you fear the worst, when your child begins to make life altering decisions that could negatively impact his future (and yours), or makes a mistake that could be life threatening. Basically, he begins to make choices that I no longer have any control over, and the results of some choices have sent pains and griefs through me beyond anything I’ve ever suffered. Without physically losing my child, I have felt the despairing emotional grief felt by moms whose child has run away or been kidnapped, yet I was looking right at my son. I have grieved and mourned, like a mother who just buried a child, yet I was still able to hold mine in my arms. I have felt the anxiety, helplessness and sheer terror that a mom who has been told her child has inoperable cancer must feel, and yet my son is in perfect health. I don’t dare mean to belittle or minimize the pain that parents go through when they experience these physical losses, I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. I have just realized that emotional loss and suffering can be just as real and just as painful.

However, I am learning something else through these trials…just how true God’s words are in James 1:2-4…”Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

My sufferings this past year have a purpose. They are producing growth in my character as well as in my son and our family. So now as I reflect on 2014, I am learning to rejoice because we have been tested, and have passed. We are victorious because it has not destroyed our family, and we are being made stronger to endure all that may come in the days ahead.

Whatever your pain has been, look around and take stock of the growth that has occurred as a result of it!

I wish you blessings as 2014 comes to a close and I pray that we all will mature in Christ as 2015 comes into our view.

I found this poem today and apparently there is some debate over the author, but whether Amy Carmichael or Helen Steiner Rice, it is amazing – enjoy!

“Our Father knows what’s best for us, so why should we complain?

We always want the sunshine, but He knows there must be rain.

We love the sound of laughter and the merriment of cheer,

But our hearts would lose their tenderness if we never shed a tear,

For growing trees are strengthened when they withstand the storm,

And the sharp cut of the chisel gives the diamond grace and form.

God never hurts us needlessly, and He never wastes our pain,

For every loss He sends to us is followed by rich gain.

And when we count the blessings that God so freely sent,

We’ll find no cause for murmuring, and no time to lament.

For our Father loves his children, and to Him all things are plain,

So He never sends us pleasure when the souls deep need is pain.

So whenever we are troubled, and when everything goes wrong,

We know God’s working in our hearts, to make our spirits strong.”

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Love God’s Way…

ALL things work together for the good of those who are called according to his plan (Roman 8:28)

 I’ve recently spoken with a woman who was hurt by sexual abuse as a young girl.  As a woman who has been a victim of sexual abuse as well, I can truly empathize with her hidden pain, shame, sense of guilt and even hopelessness. When we consider all the evils of the world and the bad things that happen, especially to children, today’s scripture can be almost laughable to believe.

There are situations that we go through that don’t seem to serve any good purpose. Pains and hurts that we endure, that only seem to make living unbearable at times. Yet, God’s word reassures us over and over that he will use all of these things to bring about good in the lives of those who love him and seek him. His desire is that our lives should be abundant, joyful and full of hope (Jeremiah 29:11; John 10:10).

Living a life plagued by pain caused by those who claim to “love” us, can lead to a deep mistrust and a fear that hinders our true knowledge and acceptance of God’s pure, unconditional and unfailing love. But, to understand love as 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a explains it, is to understand that regardless of how people or life may treat us, there is a perfect love and we can have it when we seek out a true relationship with God and clearly surrender to his will. Then our hearts and minds will be filled with a peace that truly frees us from the bonds of mental, spiritual and even physical anguish. Once we experience that type of love, we can recognize how even the worst things in life can, through God, produce good.

LYTE:

You are not to blame! Your life does matter! You ARE someone SPECIAL and you are LOVED!!!  Any abuse inflicted upon you whether physically, verbally, mentally, or even emotionally is a result of the abuser’s pain, insecurity and sin. You did not cause it, you cannot fix it, you are not to blame for it and YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT! Most importantly, abusive language or treatment is not LOVE. If you or someone you know has experienced some type of abuse, or think an encounter was inappropriate or made you feel uncomfortable, tell someone and seek out a clear resolution.  Silence only keeps the perpetrator free to continue hurting others.  Trust that God will use this experience and any consequences to bring good into your life and others.

REFLECTION:

What situations or events have occurred in your life that you feel ashamed of or hurt by? Find someone whom you feel safe with to talk to about your situations to help you to separate those actions from the person you really are-God Loves You!!!

Do you ever feel that you don’t mean much to anyone? What do you think God would say about that?

Who do your friends and/or family say you are? How does that agree or disagree with who you feel you are? Why?

Love and fear cannot exist together! If you are living with your abuser break free from the situation if and when you can, turn to God and trust him to bring you out of it – perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).

Decide today that you will only accept love God’s way! Pray that you can give and receive the type of love that drives out fear and never fails.

Help for those dealing with someone affected by sexual abuse: http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/encouragement-healing/the-dos-and-donts-of-dealing.html?t=sexual-abuse

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I’m still here…

In the words of Miss Celie (The Color Purple)…”I’m still here!”

Hello all, it has been quite a while since I last posted and I just wanted to let you know that “I’m still here!” I recently started a new full-time position and it has me in sort of a tailspin, but “I’m still here”.

God has truly been working in my life over the past few months and his spirit has recently impressed upon my heart things that I hope to pass along to you in the near future, so continue to bear with me and be patient, “I’m still here!”

I hope to post very soon, in the mean time I would love to turn you on to a woman that I’ve recently become aware of, Dannah Gresh, http://www.purefreedom.org//. I’m certain she does not need any publicity from me, but I have been enthralled by her insights and her “unashamed” approach to talking about S-E-X in a very spiritual and yet relatable way. Her ministry is aimed at teen and tween girls but I’m certain that many a “mature” woman could find alot of freedom amidst her blog/insights/devotionals as well. So, If you have ever faced any sort of sexual abuse, sexual confusion, engaged in promiscuity or are interested in remaining “pure” in your sexuality then this site will surely be an inspiration to you.

Just to give you a teaser about my upcoming blogs, God has put it on my heart to secure what satan has attempted to steal, to resuscitate what satan has tried to kill, and to reinforce what satan wishes to destroy!!!

Thanks alot for visiting and again…”I’m still here!” I look forward to writing to you again soon – Happy New Year!

Dawn

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G R E G – God’s Redeeming and Everlasting Grace…

 

G R E G – God’s Redeeming and Everlasting Grace!!!

Given to us out of a love between two

Offered at a price, not paid by me or you

Shared with many, yet loved by only some

Provided to show us the true way home

If you have known one, you were blessed beyond compare

To have known both is to rejoice with the Angels of the air.

by

Dawn “Rochelle” Runyon

September 30, 2011

In Honor of Uncle Greg Ford

June 23, 1962 – Sept. 27, 2011

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Use the Gifts God Has Given…

1 Corinthians 12:4   There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.
 
Do your realize what gift God has given you?  Do you use your gift to glorify God – ALL the TIME?  Do you take honor in knowing and using your gift for the good of the body – You should, God gave it to you for the purpose of builing up his Kingdom and for transforming lives – He has annoited each of us with his Spirit so that we and those we reach would be drawn to him through it!

I found this (below) today and hoped it might encourage you in some way – God Bless!
 
You Have an Anointing
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman  09-28-2011

“As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit – just as it has taught you, remain in him” (1 John 2:27).

Do you know your anointing? An anointing is a gift that functions easily when it is operating in you to benefit others and the Kingdom of God. If one has to “work it up” one has probably gone outside one’s anointing.
One area that I have a God-given anointing is in networking. I have never sought to develop such an anointing. But I know a LOT of people. Despite being an introvert by nature, God has connected me with people all around the world. Many times people call me about something and my natural response is, “Oh, you need to contact so and so. He can help you with that.” A mentor once said to me, “Your inheritance is in relationships.” What he was saying is that my anointing is in relationships and networking.
 
Where do you move naturally in your life? What do you do that you don’t have to work at it? Chances are that is your anointing. God wants you to walk in the anointing he has given to you.
 
 

 
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Mama’s Family – They’ll grow up when I tell them to…

Who remembers the old sit-com Mama’s Family – the spinoff from The Carol Burnett Show in the early 80’s?  Remember “Mama” (Vickie Lawrence), the fiesty, quick-tongued, blue-haired mom who spent each week trying to keep her dysfunctional family from falling apart?  Who can forget Mama’s children, Vinton and Eunice (Carol Burnett), who brought so much comedy and strife to the line-up.  Although “Mama” always gave her son grief about his “pie-in-the-sky”, half-brained schemes and inventions and even though she scoffed at the choice in men that her daughter Eunice made in marrying the conniving and chauvanistic “Ed”, at the end of each episode, Mama always came through for her family and rescued them all from their own dimwit mistakes. I loved that show! 

I never thought that some while later I would end up in my own real-life  “sit-com” with a slightly dysfunctional family of my own – only it’s not so funny at times!  Hear me…my family is GREAT!  Really!!!  I have a wonderful husband who adores me and two rapidly growing, extremely bright, funny and talented teen boys. BUT….sometimes things can get pretty hectic and chaotic in our home.  It’s in those times that I wonder “what did I do to cause this?”  I find myself franctic that one of my boys is going to fail miserably in one of his classes at school….”what can I do, maybe I will call the teacher and ask her for extra credit work…” I think to myself, because I’m “Mama” and I have to fix EVERYTHING.  At other times I am so overbearing….”I told you to do it this way…” or even worse, “if you had done what I told you to do this would never have happened”…because I’m “Mama” and mama is ALWAYS R-I-G-H-T!

I have great intentions in training my children.  As mom’s, we all want our children to grow up healthy and happy, and to have the best possible life they can, with the least amount of suffering.  Unfortunately, it’s in this quest that we often do more harm than good. I’m learning that my overbearing nature and my constant attempts to prevent failure in my children (even though it’s meant to protect) is stifling my kids’ own personal development.  By not allowing my kids to fail, I am preventing them from learning from their mistakes.  Where would any of us be if we hadn’t learned that when someone says “don’t touch it, it’s hot” we probably shouldn’t touch it (again) because it really is? Ouch!!  Thank goodness we never get too old to learn something new and it’s never to late to start over!

I’m still learning with my children, but I only have a few more years before they go out into the world to put into practice all the great training I’ve tried to give them.  Thank God there is still time left.  I just hope that I can retrain myself to ease up and allow my boys to become the men that God has created them to be and not what I think they should be. 

Moms, it will be okay…even if they get the “D” in Algebra, or they get embarrassed from wearing the same pair of jeans to school all week because they chose movies with friends over doing their laundry.  They will learn, if you just back off and allow them the room they need to grow (but stay a comfortable distance behind them, they will need you from time to time!) 

For more on this, take a look at this article I found – it was just what I needed today!  Happy Parenting!!!

http://technorati.com/women/article/parents-are-you-sucking-the-life/

 

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Worth dying for….

I have abandonment issues!  I fear rejection and loath criticism because it reminds me that “I am not enough” – at least that’s what the voices inside my head keep telling me.  “Eventually they will leave you too…you’re not worth hanging around for…you can’t do anything right…they only like you because of your … (fill in the blank).”  Sound crazy???  I know and I’ve got a certificate to prove that it is, but that doesn’t make it any less real for me.  Maybe someone can relate to this?

Well, be encouraged all you fatherless little girls, used and abused teens, insecure tweens, battered women, divorced sistahs and even lonely widows…there is a father who gives without ceasing, heals all our wounds, wipes every tear from our eyes, knows all about our faults, accepts us no matter how badly we mess up, and promises to remain faithful to us throughout eternity.  To him we are his little darlings, his princesses, the “apple of his eye” (Deuteronomy 32)

I know that it matters not what the world thinks of me, nor how many friends turn their back or how many NO’s I get.  To my Heavenly Father, I am worth dying for (he proved it); he did it because He loves me (Romans 5) and through him I can and should have every confidence to accomplish every good thing.  I am more than enough—“my Daddy says so!”

Romans 8:28-39  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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“Flirting” to be loved…

Ashamedly I admit that I can be a flirt!  I realize that has always been a part of my character – I thrive on attention, that knowledge that someone is watching me and desiring to make me their own.  For most of my life, I saw my flirting ways as being innocent, even necessary at times; after all, “who doesn’t want to feel wanted?” But flirting can be very dangerous, especially for a young woman who doesn’t understand what true love is and continually searches for inappropriate attention from men.  The saying, if you play with fire you are going to get burned is indeed TRUE!   Many, too many, young women (and some not so young) have found themselves in abusive, loveless, passionless relationships with men, settling for sex when they really desired to be wanted, admired, respected and loved.

There is nothing “abnormal” or wrong with wanting to be desired, to be loved.  On the contrary, the urging and longing to be loved was given to you by a God who LOVES and DESIRES you!  Its true, in Jeremiah 24:7 God says, I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart. The scriptures are full of references to God’s love for us and his desire for us to know him, after all we were created in His image to be like Him and He is a God of love! (Genesis 1:27; 1 John 4:7-9)  

If God loves me and created me to desire love, why is flirting wrong?  Whether you are single or married, by flirting, you are in essence denying or rejecting the love that God has for you. You are trying to fill the loneliness that you have in your heart with attention and affection from men, because you do not feel or trust that God loves you and will protect you — you are in other words, cheating on God!  (James 4:4-6) Ouch…that hurts, doesn’t it?  That may be hard to accept without first realizing that since God created us to know and love him, he thereby entered into a relationship with us, and by definition, we are to be faithful, committed, to the other party in that relationship.  God is to be our first love (Revelation 2:4).

I know deep down that my flirting comes from a place of insecurity due in part to a past filled with sexual abuse and a sense of abandonment.  As a young single woman, I sought the attention of men to feel the emptiness that was left in my heart from abuse and an absent father.  After many failed attempts to find someone to “love me,” I eventually got married (praise God!).  But, since I did not understand God’s love for me, I looked to my husband to fill all the voids in my heart.  Try as he may, he could never completely fill my emptiness and so I would return to seeking out attention from others.  Why?  Was my husband lacking something?  No, not at all!!  It was never my husband’s purpose to fill my emptiness; that has always been God’s role.  I’ve had to learn (and am still learning) to seek God when I am lonely or hurting, when I feel abandoned or insecure (Isaiah 43:1b-4; Proverbs 8:17; Ephesians 41:4-6).

This past weekend, I had the honor to MC a conference of young women, many of which were hurting and facing pressure to be sexually active or had been sexually abused, and even raped.  Among all of them was the same underlying desire to be loved.  To all those young ladies, longing and waiting to find “Mr. Right,” be patient, my sister, you will only find him when you seek to know what true love is—his name is Jesus!  Genesis 1:26 & Genesis 2:18 show us that not only did God create man in His image to love him, but He created a companion to be with man so that he would not be alone.  God doesn’t desire for you to be alone, but he wants you to first find security and companionship with Him and then to enjoy that peace with the companion that he gives you.

To all those who have been hurt by the men in their lives, trust that God did not create you to be abused and abandoned, but to be loved and he desires to remove the scars and pain in your heart.  You are precious and beautiful in His sight (Psalm 139:11-16; 1 Peter 2:4-6)—you are the apple of his eye (Deuteronomy 32:10).

For more insight on this please visit:  http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/04/pursued.html

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But The Greatest of These is Love…

I met a lady yesterday whom exemplified what it meant to be a “wife of noble character” (Proverbs 31:10) and her marriage is the epitome of what LOVE truly is (1 Corinthians 13:4-13).  People spoke of her life with great passion, admiration and respect.  They lifted her up in praise as they recounted all that she had done and given as a faithful wife, mother, sister and friend.  She was 88 years old and her husband of 71 years—Yes, Seventy-One y-e-a-r-s—was all too eager to tell everyone about when he first put his arms around her on July 3, (circa 1939) he felt something like lightning pass through his head, down to his toes and he knew she was his wife from God.  His tears as he wept beside her as she lay beautifully and restfully still in her casket, spoke of the depth of love he still had for her. In her casket was a photograph of their two hands, one in the other—a photo that had been taken in recent years as the tender, elderly couple had fallen asleep together, sitting in their recliners, holding hands.

Their long life together, their enduring, faithful marriage, and their unending love is something that I have dreamed of all my life but never imagined it could ever truly exist, until now.  Now I am a believer!

I don’t doubt that they had hard times, that there were rough days when one or both of them may have considered going another way, but those days have long been gone and all that remains is love.

Throughout her life, this woman unselfishly and unrelentingly gave to her husband, her children and those around her as she served the Lord and she was blessed through it all with a long and abundant life of true joy and real love.

God’s word tells us that “love overcomes a multitude of sin” (1 Peter 4:8) and that true love “never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).  As we go about our daily lives, in our relationships engaged in emotions that we call “love”, we would be well warned to make sure that we understand first what love is and is not –it is not an emotion!  Love is and always has been (as demonstrated by Christ’s death on a cross) an INTENTIONAL action.   It requires forethought, knowledge, sincerity, self-control, desire and motivation. Love must be given freely, not in exchange nor as payment for something in the past, or without any expectation of getting anything in the future.  Most importantly, there is no fear in love (1 John 4:18), it can not and should never be forced upon or from you — it is a gift!

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Virgil Maiden for showing me the power of true love and giving me hope, once again. And, a special thank you to Mrs. Ethyl Maiden, for leaving such a precious example of a true Proverbs 31 Woman, rest in peace now, Rest In Peace!

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