Ashamedly I admit that I can be a flirt! I realize that has always been a part of my character – I thrive on attention, that knowledge that someone is watching me and desiring to make me their own. For most of my life, I saw my flirting ways as being innocent, even necessary at times; after all, “who doesn’t want to feel wanted?” But flirting can be very dangerous, especially for a young woman who doesn’t understand what true love is and continually searches for inappropriate attention from men. The saying, if you play with fire you are going to get burned is indeed TRUE! Many, too many, young women (and some not so young) have found themselves in abusive, loveless, passionless relationships with men, settling for sex when they really desired to be wanted, admired, respected and loved.
There is nothing “abnormal” or wrong with wanting to be desired, to be loved. On the contrary, the urging and longing to be loved was given to you by a God who LOVES and DESIRES you! Its true, in Jeremiah 24:7 God says, I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart. The scriptures are full of references to God’s love for us and his desire for us to know him, after all we were created in His image to be like Him and He is a God of love! (Genesis 1:27; 1 John 4:7-9)
If God loves me and created me to desire love, why is flirting wrong? Whether you are single or married, by flirting, you are in essence denying or rejecting the love that God has for you. You are trying to fill the loneliness that you have in your heart with attention and affection from men, because you do not feel or trust that God loves you and will protect you — you are in other words, cheating on God! (James 4:4-6) Ouch…that hurts, doesn’t it? That may be hard to accept without first realizing that since God created us to know and love him, he thereby entered into a relationship with us, and by definition, we are to be faithful, committed, to the other party in that relationship. God is to be our first love (Revelation 2:4).
I know deep down that my flirting comes from a place of insecurity due in part to a past filled with sexual abuse and a sense of abandonment. As a young single woman, I sought the attention of men to feel the emptiness that was left in my heart from abuse and an absent father. After many failed attempts to find someone to “love me,” I eventually got married (praise God!). But, since I did not understand God’s love for me, I looked to my husband to fill all the voids in my heart. Try as he may, he could never completely fill my emptiness and so I would return to seeking out attention from others. Why? Was my husband lacking something? No, not at all!! It was never my husband’s purpose to fill my emptiness; that has always been God’s role. I’ve had to learn (and am still learning) to seek God when I am lonely or hurting, when I feel abandoned or insecure (Isaiah 43:1b-4; Proverbs 8:17; Ephesians 41:4-6).
This past weekend, I had the honor to MC a conference of young women, many of which were hurting and facing pressure to be sexually active or had been sexually abused, and even raped. Among all of them was the same underlying desire to be loved. To all those young ladies, longing and waiting to find “Mr. Right,” be patient, my sister, you will only find him when you seek to know what true love is—his name is Jesus! Genesis 1:26 & Genesis 2:18 show us that not only did God create man in His image to love him, but He created a companion to be with man so that he would not be alone. God doesn’t desire for you to be alone, but he wants you to first find security and companionship with Him and then to enjoy that peace with the companion that he gives you.
To all those who have been hurt by the men in their lives, trust that God did not create you to be abused and abandoned, but to be loved and he desires to remove the scars and pain in your heart. You are precious and beautiful in His sight (Psalm 139:11-16; 1 Peter 2:4-6)—you are the apple of his eye (Deuteronomy 32:10).
For more insight on this please visit: http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/04/pursued.html